“The Kind Christmas Visitors”
By Cheryl A. Taylor
Copyright - Taylor Made Productions - August, 2008
Costumes, Props, Production Notes:
The play takes place at the Watt Family home on Christmas Eve. They are expecting relative who are supposed to be visiting for the Christmas holiday. They haven't seem them since they were children, so they don't know what they look like. Two bumbling burglars show up to steal all the valuables of the Watt clan, but they think they are their relatives, the Kind family. Naturally, the confusion causes hilarious results!
Watt Family- The Watt Family is your typical “hillbilly” type family. They are as country as cornbread, using slang and a drawn out accent, if yall know wut I mean. I realize that some of the text is written grammatically incorrect and misspelled words, but I tried to be authentic. Most of them could wear bibbed overalls, jean skirts, jeans, flannel shirts, etc. The Kind Family or Burglars should wear all black - pants, turtleneck, knit cap (we call it a toboggan, don’t know what you all call it!) and have a couple of large black bags - even garbage bags would work.
Props – The whole play takes place in the Watt Family Home in Miamitty County. (pronounced “my-am-a-tee”) The burglars come in from outside, but that could just be on one side of a stage or from the front of the stage. (That’s one thing I like about a TMP – simplicity!) You will need to decorate the living room like a - well a living room! A couch, a few chairs, coffee table, for example, would be nice.
You will need “stolen” items to put in the bag. Costume or cardboard - handmade- jewelry will be fine. You will only see it at the end and it doesn’t have to be beautiful. There is a running gag throughout the play where the props are not where they are supposed to be. The play stops, someone yells for the staff, and people dressed as workers bring the props on stage. Silly? Dumb? Of course. Would you rather it be boring? I get a kick out of people shaking their heads and saying, “What in the world was that for?” LOL. Therefore, you will need a window frame. This can be as extravagant as you wish, or just made from cardboard, etc. You will need a couple of folding chairs for the prop people to bring out in Act 2.
If you don’t have a curtain, that is fine. Simplicity, remember? After the 1st Act, all can leave the stage. At the beginning of Act 2, someone can walk across the stage with a large sign that reads Act 2 - After Dinner, or the announcer could say it, or someone in the Watt Family could just walk out and say, “It’s now after dinner. The audience is welcome to come on in!”
The kids in the pageant should have costumes that look like they made them (coz it says that in the play!) like branches for angel wings, towels over their heads for shepherds, etc. Again, this is your call as to how extensive you want this to be. Dew can just read the story and you can have the kids act it out on the side of the stage, in front, etc. When I say act it out, I mean when it talks about Mary and Joseph, those two characters can just come onto the stage. If you want to have a boy or girl be an innkeeper, he could just look at them and shake his/her head as if to say, “No room in the inn.” The angels could lift their arms as if they are praising. The shepherds could carry stuffed sheep or a staff, etc. They should no where to stand, but they should not have to come to every practice - maybe 1 or 2, depending on their ages.
Feel free to make minor changes to the script, make as many copies as you need. There is no performance fee required, however, please respect my copyright and don’t give the play away to your friends or, in case you don’t like the play, your enemies.
Cast of Characters:
The only small children in the play will be in the Home Made Down Home Christmas Pageant. This is the manger scene and should include Mary, Joseph, angels (as many as you wish), shepherds ( infinite number) and/or 3 wise men (optional). Most of the characters (the Watt family and burglars) should be played by teenagers or adults.
Buddy (Say) - male
Thelma - female
Now - male or female
Junior (or Ellie) - younger male or female (11 - 15)
Hundred - female
Well - female
Know - female
Dew - uses his nose to find things, the sniffer
Loretta - female, Dew’s wife, ditzy
Sam - burglar, Watt Family calls him Wunova (one of a)
Walter - head burglar - Watt Family calls him Very
If you have more actors than I do parts, just take away a part from one and give it to another. Or if you want to borrow parts from other characters, you could have Sew Watt, Some Watt, Giga Watt, Mila Watt, etc. Most of the characters can be male or female, so if I have written it as a male, make sure you change the play to read “he” when you are talking about this character.
Author’s Advice:
I always remind my actors that if they put on the greatest performance imaginable in the play and fail to lift Jesus up, they have done everything in vain. Even though we strive to remember our lines, and make our characters come to life, we should always remember the giver of life. He is the reason that we celebrate. Our motives should never be just so we can be on stage, but that we can give God the praise and the glory, exalting Him and His story. I will continue to pray for you and your cast, as I hope you will pray for me and my writing venture. Please keep me posted on how things are going and let me know if you need me for anything. Thanks and God Bless You!
In Christ,
Cheryl Taylor ctaylor@taylormadministry.com
Excerpt #1
Act I - Watt Family Living Room - Christmas Eve
Thelma: (Singing as she is stirring something in a bowl with a large spoon,
as if she is cooking. She is dancing around behind the couch. Sings
song to the tune of “Oh, Come All Ye Faithful“)
Verse
Oh come all ye Family, join our ceb-re-lation.
We’re hav-ing some com-pa-ny from the - big ci-ty!
We ha---ven’t seen these folks,
Since they were tiny chill- dren.
Chorus
Oh come and wel-come the kin folk,
Oh come and wel-come the kin folk,
Oh come and wel-come the kin folk, Watt fam -i-ly!!!!
(goes up on last note holds it like she is singing opera, makes a
spectacular finish. She even takes a bow.)
Buddy: (Comes running in out of breath. I know it should be “tarnation” but
carnation is funnier! Buddy has a way of getting words mixed up. )
What in carnation is going on in here Thelma Lou?! Did ol’ Snooper get caught in the bear trap
again?!
Thelma: What do you mean, Buddy?
Know: I’m here Buddy! I’ll help you get Snooper out of the trap. I heard him
howl all the way down at the Miamitty (pronounced My-am-a-tee) pond!
Buddy: The pond? That’s over a mile away on the Miamitty county line.
Know: I know it, but I would recognize that howl anywhere. The crows
started scattering like they had seen a hawk. The fish started
jumping, the boats were turning over…I ain’t never seen nothing like
it in my life! And that noise… (howls - then puts hands over ears)
make it stop, Buddy, make it stop!
Buddy: I’m telling you the truth, since they gave you the lead in the
Christmas play at church you are the king of drama. Was it really
that bad?
Know: Well, it might have been more like… “hooo” (says it real quietly).
Thelma: Both of you-unsus just shut your pie holes. Snooper wudn’t caught in
no trap.
Buddy: How do you know? You been in here cooking for hours.
Thelma: I know, coz that was me singing. I was in the mood for Christmas
carols since it is Christmas Eve, but I just changed the words around a
little.
Know: I don’t believe it, Thelma Lou. Buddy told me once that he tried to
get you to sing tenor.
Buddy: Know what?
Know: That’s my name, don’t wear it out!
Buddy: No, I don’t mean Know Watt, I mean Know What? (raises the accent
on the 2nd What as if asking a question)
Know: Oh. No, What?
Buddy: I didn’t try to get her to sing tenor, I tried to get her to sing 10 er 12
miles away!
Thelma: I wrote a little song for our visitors coming today. Listen and I’ll sing
it fer ye…
End of Excerpt #1
Excerpt #2
Buddy: I’d call Dew, but this is the first day of his new job. I ain’t fixin to
get him in the briar patch on the first day!
Loretta: Oh, you birds should have seen him this morning in his new uniform.
He was as cute as a box full of puppies!
All: Aaawwww!
Junior: Hey, when is the Kind family getting here?
Well: They wuz supposed to be here by now. Wonder if they got lost?
Know: Lost? In Miamitty County? Now that dog just don’t hunt! You could
get lost in a paper poke before you’d get lost in Miamitty!
Buddy: I just had this thinking. I don’t never want none of ye to make fun of
their names - the Kind family - when they git here.
Well: What you mean, Buddy?
Thelma: I reckon I know what he means. We got normal names like Say Watt,
Buddy: Yeah - Now Watt, Know What…
Hundred: I’m Hundred Watt…and there’s Well Watt Ever…
Loretta: Don’t forget my Purdy honey-dew man - Dew Watt!
Junior: And my name is Junior!
Now: What? What kind of a goofy name is Junior?
End of Excerpt #2
Excerpt #3
Sam: Nope. Its as quiet as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
Walter: I think that is “nervous,” Sam, “nervous.”
Sam: You’re nervous, Walter? I am too but I hated to admit it.
Walter: No, I mean the cat was nervous…oh never mind. Are the lights on? I
thought they were on when we got close to the house.
Sam: Yes, they were. No I don’t think so. Well, maybe….I don’t know
Walter. They could have been…
Walter: Forget it! They must have been off. I don’t hear anyone or see any
lights, so this is probably a good place to visit, if you get my drift…
Sam: Visit? I thought we were going to find another house to rob, Walter. I
am so confused, but if you want to visit I guess we can.
Walter: Enough, Sam! Look at me and quit shaking! (talking slowly giving
instructions) We are going to break in this house and steal everything
of value. Got it?
Sam: Got what, Walter? Got what? I got the bags, Walter!
Walter: Sam, forget it. Just follow me and do what I do.
Sam: Okay, Walter. Whatever you say - and do.
(Sam mimics everything Walter does. Takes hat off and runs fingers through his hair, then puts hat back on. Sam does the same with his hair and hat. Walter puts his hand on his chin like he is thinking. Sam does the same. Walter has figured out that Sam is doing everything he is doing, so he decides to trick him. Walter then takes 2 steps forward and then turns around quickly to surprise Sam and pat him on the back after Sam takes 2 steps and then turns around. Sam gets confused and takes 2 steps away from Walter and then turns around. When he turns around he is nose to nose with Walter! Sam gets all nervous and starts shaking again! This should resemble something the Three Stooges would do - only with 2 of them!)
End of Excerpt #3
Excerpt #4
(Sam drops the bags - which make lots of noise - and he and Walter immediately raise their hands in the air.)
Walter: Don’t shoot! Please don’t shoot!
Sam: I won’t, Walter! You don’t even let me carry a gun!
Walter: Not you, dumbo! Them!
Loretta: We’re not gonna shoot you! We don’t even have a camera to
shoot with!
Now: Why did y’all come through the winder? Is that front door jammed
again? We’re gonna have to get Uncle Whosaid Watt, our handy man,
to put some more lard on the hinges.
Thelma: Last time he used all the lard and I didn’t have any for the crawdad
gravy! No common sense. That man would try to dig a basement in
the bottom of a houseboat!
End of Excerpt #4
Excerpt #5
Dew: We live it because we worship that baby that was born, the Son of
God. We live the Christian life coz of Him.
Walter: Worship a baby?
Now: No, not exactly. Listen and you’ll learn more about it. Go on, Dew.
Dew: Well, Mary and Joseph had to go to Bethlehem for a census taking.
Joseph’s family was from there, so that’s where they had to go. Now
Mary was soon to deliver, but she still wanted to go with Joseph.
They were so tarred and felt real poorly. You see, they were plum
wore out! And they couldn’t find a hotel room in the city. They
went from door to door, but there was no room!
Sam: (very interested in story) What happened next? Did they find a room?
Walter: Ssshhhhh! (also very interested) Let him finish. Tell us more, Dew.
End of Excerpt #5